Observations of a puzzling world

Friday, March 31, 2006

Award winning

Lately I’ve been reading reviews of restaurants, hotels, books, and software that all have one thing in common – they are all award winning. There are award winning employers, commercials, websites and even bottled water! Who is handing out these awards? What discriminating organization taste tests the water of the world and hands out awards? I wonder what they use as a palette cleanser between the samples of water. And do they swallow it or spit it out like during wine tasting? What is the criterion for these awards? The website loads in a web browser – blue ribbon! The restaurant didn’t have mice, only fruit files – so give it a silver award. I think I will start handing out awards to people – but they won’t be for anything specific. You held the door open for me today – congratulations, you get a box of Kleenex. You’re the tallest person I’ve ever seen - a free cookie! You are wearing a well coordinated outfit today – you win a copy of today’s newspaper. Of course these awards come with official certificates as well – hang them on your wall with pride! Nominations for awards are now being accepted.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

It's all so EZ

In the newspaper this morning I saw an ad for a website that started with the letters EZ. In thinking about this, and everything else that is EZ online I discovered that life really is EZ. Your parents can use ez-health.info to find the hospital where you will be born. Then they can go to ezbabysites.com to learn all the tips and tricks on being good parents. Once you are off to school, your parents can use ezschool.com to help you to get better grades. When you’ve grown up and its time to go to university, you can use ezcollegeapps.com to get into a good school. Once you graduate you can use ezjob.com to find a good job and once you’ve found that special person to spend the rest of you life with (which apparently isn’t so easy since there is no EZ site for it), you can use ezweddingplanner.com to of course, plan the big day. After a few years if things don’t work out there is ezdivorce.ca to help you divide your possessions and move on with your life. And when it’s all over, thank goodness for ezfuneralplan.com to help wrap it all up. Who says life isn’t EZ?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

The forecast for today...

I live in a basement apartment – so often when I look out of the window I can’t accurately assess the weather situation outside. I often then turn to the weather channel or a weather website to determine what’s going on outside. Now I know I could just run up the stairs and see for myself, but I figure the forecast that goes along with the current temperature readings is better than my guessing at what’s going to happen during the day. However I have discovered that weather forecasts are not always right. Right now (Tuesday afternoon) as I am looking outside (from a window with a reliable view), it is a beautiful, clear, sunny day. My online weather updater indicates that it is raining. Now it’s a good thing I bothered to look outside – imagine how foolish I’d look with my umbrella and galoshes on a day like today!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

God Save the Queen

I bought a book of stamps last week. I just needed stamps – and wasn’t very picky on the type of stamps that I got. The sales lady said she had a “special” book for me. I was privileged enough to purchase stamps that commemorate Queen Elizabeth’s 80th birthday! Lucky me! But really – who celebrates the Queen’s birthday? If I don’t get a day off, or at least some free cake, it really means nothing to me. Now I am embarrassed of using these stamps. It makes me feel like an old person who has a commemorative spoon collection. And I think that’s why the lady sold me these stamps – to make me not want to use them and purchase more stamps (that don’t have the Queen’s face on them). Personally if I was the Queen I wouldn’t want my face on all of these stamps. I don’t want people licking anything that has my picture on it.

Monday, March 27, 2006

What was that?

The other night I couldn’t sleep – so at around 2am I turned on the TV. There was nothing on so I just start flipping between channels. Then something caught my eye so I stopped and start watching. It was one of those shows that was visually so engrossing that I just stared at it. You know the shows – they usually involve car chases, hooting and hollaring, or singing and dancing. I found myself watching this show for quite some time until it went to commercial. Strange that during the commercials I couldn’t understand a single thing. It was then that I realized that the show I’ve been watching isn’t even in English, or any language that I understand. I think it was in Croatian. I had just spent 20 minutes staring at the TV and not understanding a single thing that I’ve watched. I try to consider how I didn’t pick up that the show was in a different language, but nothing comes to mind. But I kept watching the show when it returned from commercials - there was nothing else on.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Sorry readers - there is no new blog entry for today.  Although I guess this might qualify.  I am using the Blogger Widget ... so I have no idea how this message will turn out.  But I promise that there will be something NEW and EXCITING first thing tomorrow morning. 

Peace out! 

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Chatting in the nude

Yesterday morning I read in a Reuters news bite that up to one third of telephone users in Britain chat on the phone in the nude. The study was commissioned by Britain’s Postal Service. While it is fascinating that British men are more prone to chat on the phone in the buff than British women – I ask, what twisted person at the British Post Office was interested in this? Who would even think of doing a study like this? And what were they intending to do with the results? Perhaps someone enterprising wanted to sell mail-order clothes for wearing specifically when chatting on the phone. Maybe clothes with built-in phones? But if this type of crazy research warrants being published – I’m going to start thinking of studies that could potentially be useful. How many people pick their nose in public? Possibly selling the results to the Kleenex people. How many people chew on their pens while working? I’d sell this to a chewing gum company.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Directions

I read recently that men who are lost when driving wait an average of 20 minutes before giving up and asking for directions, while women wait only 10 minutes before seeking help. Men will even endure 10 minutes of nagging from their spouse before giving in and asking for directions. To all of these lost motorists, I advise you not to ask me for directions – because I guarantee they will not get you to where you want to go. Any time a driver pulls over and asks me for directions I give them direction as best as I can, and in my mind make sense. After the motorist thanks me and drives away I watch him go off in the wrong direction. Correction – the direction in which I instructed him to go, but not the direction of his destination. I am not sure why I cannot provide driving directions, but really – do I look like an atlas? If I have time to sit down and think about where it is you want to go, I can get it right. But there is something about standing outside in the cold and providing directions to someone in a warm luxury vehicle that doesn’t work for me. You’d think that they would just use their on-board navigation system.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

How shocking!


That’s it – there is nothing in this world that surprises me. It’s sad really – but I don’t think that there is anything that has shock value remaining. Everything shocking has already been done. I was watching the Antiques Roadshow a while back where they showed an old advertisement for Coca Cola that was scandalous because the model holding the bottle of Coke was exposing her ankle! Shocking for the time – but not so much anymore. But as I flip through magazines, watch television ads, and observe people on the street – I don’t think that I can be shocked any more. People have bolts in their noses, openly talk about problems with their GI tracts, and wear clothes that expose more than their ankles. I wonder if we will ever go in reverse, and that which used to be normal will become shocking. You’re drinking regular coffee and not a grande, non fat, two shot latte? Risque! Is that sandwich made with Wonder Bread? I’m stunned!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Just stop it

This is just disgusting, but why are people spitting everywhere? Every time I am walking outside I see people relieve their mouth of liquid onto the sidewalk. Littering is so taboo – but no one says anything to the human camels! What is with the need to spit? I just cannot rationalize it. If it is based on what you are eating for lunch, you managed to keep most of it down – so do us all a favor and finish the remainder of it. Don’t these people get parched from all the spitting? And what is this saliva doing to our groundwater supply? I doubt it benefits the environment in any way. If you are walking outside on a windy day – beware! You may be downwind from a spitter. So spitters of the world I say to you … unless you are on a dude ranch or in a desert, please stop the spitting. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Limited time offer...

This is what I heard during the weekend while at a department store “Ladies and Gentlemen – this is a one time special. Gather around for you will never see an event like this again. If you come and visit me at the booth on the 3rd floor and you will instantly be given a free gift. This is a limited time offer. If you come to my booth in the next 60 seconds you will instantly be given a free gift. An offer like this does not occur often, so come to the 3rd floor now and pick up your free gift. Only 20 seconds remaining ladies and gentlemen.” Of course when I heard this my ears perked up and I started darting toward the escalator. Luckily I was only on the 2nd floor, so not very far to travel. I made it to the 3rd floor – now I’m searching for the booth. Oh there it is! “Only 10 seconds remaining ladies and gentlemen.” Will I make it? I’m so close to that free gift! It must be great – it’s in a department store after all! I bet it’s a gift certificate… or a free day at the spa? Oh the anticipation is killing me! I don’t want to run and seem desperate, but this might be the best thing that has ever happened to me! I MADE IT – WHERE IS MY FREE GIFT? As the announcer lady hands out the free gifts I can’t believe it – it was a free sample of a new “miracle towel”. A 3 inch x 5 inch square of some space age absorbent material. I told her I didn’t want one – she wasn’t impressed. I can’t believe I embarrassed myself darting up the escalator for that. Not to mention how dangerous it can be running on a moving metal walkway!

Monday, March 20, 2006

What type of knife?

Soap operas are a strange thing to watch on television. Everything is always such a BIG DEAL. Every character has so much drama in their life that they need a psychiatrist to accompany them everywhere they go. Funny how they rarely go to psychiatrists though… hmmm… maybe that’s the soap opera killer. Once a shrink is introduced into the show its ratings start to plummet. There is always dramatic music during the really tense scenes. The tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife! This is a strange expression, because I don’t think it’s descriptive enough. If there was only one type of knife in this world it would suffice, but I think it requires qualification on the type of knife involved. Is it a butter knife? A cleaver? A cake-decorating knife? A plastic knife that you use to cut lettuce so that it doesn’t become brown? One of those knives they sell on TV that is strong enough to cut a hammer but remain sharp enough to slice a ripe tomato? I need more information!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

LGRTR

Everyone wants to make a contribution to the world – something that they are known for. Some people have well known contributions: Issac Newton, George Lucas, and Anna Nicole Smith for example. The contribution should be substantial – something that changes the world in some way. However there are some contributions that are very well known but really seem pointless. Like the contribution of Michael Buffer, the famous sporting announcer that has trademarked the phrase “Let’s get ready to rumble!” I would think that being known for saying the same five words (known as LGRTR in short form) in a rousing manner for one’s entire career would not be very fulfilling. But I guess he does prepare people to rumble – so that they don’t miss out on the rumble, or are ill prepared once the rumble starts. I shouldn’t be so quick to judge people’s contributions I suppose.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Honesty is the best policy

Now is this really true? Clearly we can’t tell the truth all the time. If we did, then there would be far more people walking around with black eyes. Sometimes we lie to be nice. Oh I love that new sweater – it so ... trendy. Other times we lie because we are indifferent. I don’t care if someone is installing pink curtains in their house – sure they look good, I don’t have to live there. But sometimes you just have to be honest. When it comes to people making decisions that are really bad for them – you come clean and tell it like it is (Italian style). Or if there is something that is really great and you have to be really honest about it and share your thoughts with the world. Like this guy… (click here).

Friday, March 17, 2006

The gathering behind the sofa

This is a very serious warning – no matter how tempted you are to do so, DO NOT look behind your sofa. You will not like what you see. In a cleaning blitz this past weekend, I decided to pull forward the sofa and tidy up behind it. BAD IDEA! For an area that gets very little traffic, I could not believe what was back there. The amount of dust was unbelievable. Where is all of this dust coming from – and why is it forming a support group behind the sofa? Why not in the middle of the corridor were I can see it and vacuum it up? Those clumps have the “cute” name of dust bunnies. I don’t know who would want to give dust a fun name, but there is nothing fun about dust bunnies. They don’t eat carrots, bring eggs at Easter, or ask “What’s up doc?”

Thursday, March 16, 2006

The secret to selling ANYTHING...

In talking with my colleagues yesterday, we reminisced about our old Sanrio toys and accessories. Surfing around the Internet I have learned that to sell any consumer product, Hello Kitty ensures its success. After years of R&D, many companies end up with products that are totally unreasonable or useless. To recoup costs – I suggest putting Hello Kitty on the product. It will sell like hotcakes. Anything that has Hello Kitty sells – examples:

* Hello Kitty bowling balls (they didn’t use enough red dye so they needed to sell pink bowling balls)
* Hello Kitty mini fridge (someone thought it would be neat to have a cooler sized fridge until they realized what a waste of electricity it would be)
*Hello Kitty water dispenser (originally a water dispenser for dogs – but why not people too?)
*Hello Kitty car bucket seat cover
*Hello Kitty four-poster canopy bed (Disney Princess is so passé – now what to do with all these pink beds)
*Hello Kitty software (some developer got bored)

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Oh the weather...

We are experiencing some crazy weather in our city. It is strange how in the span of 24 hours the weather can completely turn. A warm sunny morning can become a blustery day with rain, and can end in a snowstorm. Of course the weather reporters on television are in heaven when these types of days come around. Any time the weather report is the first story on the newscast – that is predominantly all you will hear about for the next hour. Yesterday words such as “peril” and “chaos” were being used to describe the subsequent morning commute. People were being advised to tie down their outdoor bbq's and stay indoors. “We might have tornadoes, hurricanes, forest fires, and sand storms!” Well maybe that’s not exactly what they were reporting, but the message I got from it was get into a bunker quickly and pray that you have enough food to last you the next 24 hours. In the morning we all are still alive, and our gratitude goes to those hard-working weather predictors. If not for them, I would have lost my wicker patio chair! The day’s news stories continue with reports of weather damage and how it could have been so much worse – it must be global warming, el nino, or the ozone layer depleting. My extremely scientific explanation for all of this … stuff happens.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Smart thinking

I always read the quality free newspapers that you get at the corner of the street. They have high caliber writing by Mimi the psychic, love advice from Dwane, and the movie reviews by Cherry. Who says newspapers have to contain news! Most of the ads in these papers are for hair removal or hair transplant services. I wonder if these companies are working together… hey I’ll remove the hair from this guy’s back, you put it on this guy’s head. Anyone who is considering getting one of these procedures done should ask their newspaper neighbor first to see if he is getting one too. That way you can get a discount – “I’m the donor, he’s the recipient.”

Monday, March 13, 2006

Gotta keep busy

Do you ever see someone who has a boring repetitive job and wonder how they keep at it for their entire shift? Probably not – but I think about these sorts of things. The crossing guard at the end of my street answered my question of how she keeps herself coming back to the pollution-filled street day after day. Dodging traffic and keeping kids safe just doesn’t keep her stimulated through her shift. So she keeps a step, just like those used in step fitness classes, on the grass behind the sidewalk. In between tweeting her whistle and helping kids cross the street, she keeps herself busy (and fit) by doing a step workout. What a smart idea! She could inspire other mundane-job workers. Assembly-line workers could cha-cha beside the conveyer belt. Egg packers could juggle the eggs before putting them in the carton. Truck drivers could make audition tapes for Pop Idol while driving on the highway.

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Sunday, March 12, 2006

Level 5 Security

I purchased a new bottle of vitamins yesterday and was overwhelmed by the amount of security that accompanied the pills. First there is the sealed box that comes with a branded serial number. You have to tear open the box to get at the bottle. Next there is the plastic ring that surrounds the cap of the bottle. Everywhere it says “Pull here” to open it up – although I don’t find any tab to pull, and end up having to use a pair of scissors to get the plastic ring off. Following that there is the childproof cap. Once I have all my arrows aligned and get the cap open, I encounter another obstacle - the glued-on tin foil that makes the bottle “Sealed for my protection”. Unlike a cup of yogurt, there is absolutely no place on the foil to pull it off. After slicing through that with a knife, I reach the cotton wool. Finally after pulling out a pound of cotton – I get to my vitamins. This whole ordeal makes me think about why such security is necessary. Who is getting inside these bottles and sabotaging the vitamins? What scandalous areas are these bottles going to before they end up at the pharmacy? And more importantly, why would someone want to break into bottles of vitamins? I’m pretty sure my shampoo comes from the same place and goes through the same processing – why isn’t there such security with my 2 in 1?


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Saturday, March 11, 2006

What's with the hat?

“A picture is worth a thousand words” – but a hat is worth a thousand judgments! The type of headwear one wears says a lot about that person. Cowboy hats = rugged cowboy or rebellious party girl. Beret’s = snobby with an accent or intriguingly artistic. Sombrero = spending a lot of time in the sun, or bought a regrettable souvenir from last vacation down south. Ball caps can have several meanings – depending on the way it is decorated. If it has a label still on it = cool hommie. Mesh back = smelly head or hip teenager. With a slogan = I was desperate for a hat so I wore this free one. A toque = bad hair day or cold weather. But then there is cross-over headwear like ball caps with neck protectors to wear instead of a wide brimmed hat. Engineers, not designers, must have created these – they just scream “function over fashion!”


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Friday, March 10, 2006

Spell that sound!

I can hear a sound , but how do I translate it to paper? It is easy to say, “He was snoring,” but how about if the snore was really bizarre, and simply saying “snoring” doesn’t do the snore justice? How do you articulate that on paper? Often when reading the daily comics I see “Zzzzzzzz” – but I personally have never heard that noise coming from a person sleeping. That is the sound I’d expect a bee to make – but it certainly doesn’t come across as snoring to me. We are used to dogs going “woof woof” but in Mexico they say “guau guau”. Is that because the dogs are barking in Spanish, or with an accent? I’m pretty sure dogs make the same noises everywhere – but then you never know. Look at these written sounds and decide for yourself if these are the noises animals make:

* Bird: Tweet Tweet (English), Chunchun (Japanese), Kvitt Kvitt (Swedish)
* Frog: Ribbit (English), Kre-Kre (Croatian), Kwa Kwa (Hebrew)
* Horse: Neigh (English), Hoho (Icelandic), I-go-go (Russian)
* Duck: Quack Quack (English), Coin Coin (French), Mak Mak (Albanian)


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Thursday, March 09, 2006

Recycling Day!

Yesterday was recycling day in my neighborhood. Its always an exciting day – not because of the stench of fermented cola, but because it’s a great time to analyze your neighborhoods. But first, on the stench – for courtesy to the recycling pick-up people (and I’m sure for a variety of other reasons), please rinse your containers and bottles before recycling. It’s just a nice thing to do. Now back to analyzing your neighbors - glancing at their recycling bins is a way to figure out what they are up to. If they are very healthy people, you can get a look at what they are eating by the boxboard they throw out. Yesterday I saw that one of my neighbors threw out an empty box of hemp plus cereal – good to know! Based on the amount of wine bottles they recycle you can conclude they are great entertainers (or perhaps just closet drinkers). I saw empty boxes of “Extra Sweet Pineapples” and “The World’s Greatest Avocados”. I’m not sure how produce companies can make these outrageous claims – but I’m glad to see that I live in a neighborhood with discriminating taste.

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Cool kids

Browsing through a shopping mall points out the obvious differences between you and those that used to be you. I thought I was still “with it” until I was enlightened by a young person at the huge age gap between us. She directed me to Zoey 101, a show about “tweens” at boarding school. In observing the young people in this show I was astonished at how grown up they act compared to when I was their age. Examples:

* They eat sushi, I ate fish sticks.
* They wear Prada backpacks. I had a vinyl backpack with this space age material known as Velcro (oooohhhh Velcro!)
* They have a coffee bar in their school. We had 15 cent milk cartons (No low-fat or soy options).
* They each have their own laptops with wireless Internet connections. We had to pass notes in class and risk getting caught.
* They go to a boarding school on the California Coast. I went to an Alberta elementary school that was named after a local cowboy hero.
* They each have their own cell phones. We had to shout at each other across the playing field.

At this rate, what will the next generation of “tweens” be like? More importantly ‐ will I ever be hip and happenin' again? I can't believe the novelty of Velcro has worn off.

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Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Time to stretch...

With the Academy Awards now wrapped up, I feel the need to assess movies ‐ in particular their length. The very first thing I do when I get a new film is check out how long it is. I need to plan my viewing accordingly. Some films are acceptable (Crash was 113 minutes), while others are a bit short (Wallace and Gromit was 85 minutes). But I would much rather watch a film that is on the shorter side than a long one. If the film is over 2 hours, I cannot watch it in the theater ‐ its just simply too long to sit in one place. Very few films are so gripping that they can keep my attention for more than 2 hours. Those films I opt to watch at home, but there are still the exceptions that I cannot get through in a single sitting. I have watched 2 hours of the Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Rings, with another hour or so to go. I had to stop at 2 hours ‐ it was just getting to be too much of one film all at once. Unless a film has a large variety of things going on, I cannot sit through it. I need a good mix of singing, dancing, laughing, crying, running and hiding (a la Bollywood film ‐ but even some of those are too long) to keep me watching for the entire time. Perhaps if for long films there was an intermission in the theater where they lead you through some chair yoga, then I could sit through a long film.


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Monday, March 06, 2006

Cure for dysfunctional families...

Nanny 911” is a show about a British nanny who helps families that are in desperate need of advice. When channel surfing, I frequently catch a little bit of an episode, and am always surprised at what I see. First off – I am very curious how families end up on this show. Is it an open call for auditions? “We are seeking out the most dysfunctional family in the world”. Or perhaps you can nominate families? Either way, this show is very strange – because the type of families they spotlight makes you wonder what is happening to our society. I cannot fathom families being in such disarray – I used to be under the assumption that families who had minivans had themselves pulled together quite well. Apparently though, the minivan just masks the chaos of these families. By the end of the show, the families have done a complete 180. They are happy, cooperative, and supportive – all because of the insights of the wonderful British nanny. I am a little skeptical of this - I know kids can be a handful, but this show is just extreme. Now here is my theory – during filming of the first show, the kids are fed only pixie sticks and given a tone of new toys. During the week of filming, the novelty of the toys wears off and the kids go back to their normal diet. Therefore by the end of the week the kids are perfectly behaved and it appears that the Nanny has saved the family. If my theory does not prove to be true – anyone who watches this will think twice before having kids!


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Sunday, March 05, 2006

It stinks in here!

More viewing of HGTV this weekend has again reaffirmed my belief that the world must smell terrible. I cannot believe the variety of air fresheners that are used to mask the stink of our homes. The old methods of “freshening” the air seem to be on the way out. I remember my aunt had a puck that stuck to the side of the bathroom cabinet. It never really freshened the air, but it made a funny noise when you turned it. Sprays are old news … because air freshener scientists are hard at work to provide you with artificial smell in a variety of forms. The plug-ins have been around for a while, but now they come with fans to push the smell out. There is the type that has a puff of scent that you can actually see! Did you know that you can SEE smell! Well the good people at Glade have made this possible. There are air fresheners on a timer – so that you can get a fresh burst of smell every few minutes, depending on how often you think it’s needed. I’ll bet lawyers are just waiting for the first lawsuit where these gadgets spray someone in the eye. But likely the air freshener lawyers have put a warning label that you must wear eye protection when around these gadgets. There are scented oils and candles that can burn down your house and make it authentically pine smelling. Then there are the decorative air fresheners that you are not embarrassed to place out in the plain view because they are so darn pretty. In fact – they could be mistaken for a work of art! Wouldn’t it be great at your next dinner party if your house smelled like lilacs and you could show off your smelly sculpture! This will change the world of art!


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Saturday, March 04, 2006

Is he asleep?

I had heard about this before, but I never believed it. Seems preposterous – sleeping with your eyes open! Wouldn’t your eyeballs dry out? Don’t eyelid muscles need a rest as well? I refused to believe such a thing was true until I was sitting in a lecture theatre listening to someone speaking at the front on a stage. I remember checking my watch to see how much time had passed – only 15 minutes. I then noticed this lovely floral arrangement on the side of the stage. After what seemed like only seconds – I glanced at my watch again and noticed an additional 20 minutes had gone by! What happened during that time? I know that I didn’t close my eyes … so there are two possible explanations: the flowers hypnotized me, or I was asleep with my eyes open. According to the BBC, sleepwalkers are technically asleep, but they have their eyes open and appear to be awake. I must be the laziest sleepwalker – I’ll sleep with my eyes open while sitting in a chair. Walking around while sleeping just seems counterproductive.

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Friday, March 03, 2006

No TV? That's a problem

Here is a challenge for you … unplug your tv, and disconnect your internet connection. Scared? What will you do with yourself? Just try it and see what happens… but I’ll warn you, the result will not be pretty. Some people want to go back to a simpler time ‐ but really, why would you want to? What’s so good about simple times? Back in the days before TV we had to spend time together. That meant that we had to learn to get along. Now we don’t have to go to all that trouble. Siblings practically never have to communicate, so there’s so much less fighting. Think about it, you have several TV's in your house, computers with internet, video games, and phones. There’s no way that kids can get in each other’s way in a house today. If you really want your family to spend some time together and go on a road trip, there are portable dvd players, music players, and video games. So again, no need to deal with each other. Think how great this is… kids will never fight with each other because there is nothing to fight about. When they grow up, they won’t have any ill feelings toward each other because there is nothing to feel bad about! Your kids will be better than Beaver and Wally Cleaver! So your kids will be antisocial and short attention spans - at least you won't have to give them the lectures on sharing and getting along!

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Thursday, March 02, 2006

The slogan masters

Yesterday morning while commuting to work, I had the privilege of sitting next to the mayor of this great city. He was very friendly, greeting people with a warm “Good Morning” as they did a double-take when seeing him. One subway rider asked the mayor if he takes the train every day. He responded by saying “It’s the better way” – quoting the slogan for the transit system. It was a perfect promotional moment, and really it’s a shame that there were no TV news crews with us on the train. The fact that he chose to use the transit slogan made me think about politicians and the things that they say. Politicians are notorious slogan users. I think it’s because slogans are easier to use than one’s own thoughts. I wonder what politicians are like when they are at home? Do they speak to their family in slogans? This dinner was finger licking good! Is the laundry done – I never wear black without the blue! How was my day? Give me 22 minutes and I’ll give you the world! I think though its time for a politician to step down when they say “it does a body good” instead of “got milk?”

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Wednesday, March 01, 2006

That's one big cat!

My friend Roshanak sent me an article yesterday about a 33lb “monster cat”. Apparently this cat likes to eat 6lbs of chicken and pork every day. At first I was at a loss for words – what can you say about an obese cat? Clearly the cat’s owners love it so much that they don’t care that it has a 31-inch waist. There aren’t any weight watcher clubs for cats so that they can shed pounds in time for the spring season. There are several advantages to being a cat. They have permanent clothing that always fits, so there is never the worry of wearing a bikini. Cat’s also are very independent and don’t really spend much time with other cats – so there is less gossiping about each other. If there is no one around to call them fat – there is nothing to feel bad about. So what can we learn from this cat story? If we tattoo on some permanent clothes, stop speaking to each other, and eat a whole lot of chicken and pork every day, we’d all be a lot happier. Perhaps this isn’t a lesson to live by.

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